"But I love him oh so much, why doesn't he love me the way I love him?"

If you understand this simple thing here, you will understand quite a bit about life:

People do what they do the way they do it because of who they are and the information they have at the time.

I will say it again:

People do what they do the way they do it because of who they are and the information they have at the time.

With this being said, you have no control over where a person is in their journey. And when you feel as though someone isn't loving you back, that may not quite be so. They simply aren't loving you the way you think they should. Their lack of giving you what you expect does not mean that they do not love you.  People who we love and do not love us back are only demonstrating love in the only way they know-how.

We as humans often make the mistake of coming into a relationship expecting someone to fill a void, mainly when we do not even know what that void is. Then we end up disappointed when they do not and it is not fair to them. We should not expect someone to do things for us that we cannot do for ourselves. This is a mistake. Love and partnerships are about sharing an integration, not leaning. You want your partner to be your partner, not your crutch.

We also make the mistake of desiring someone to remain in our lives forever. At some point, we must catch on to the fact that this simply isn't true. The only person you will always have is yourself. When others come into our lives, we must move forward with the acknowledgment that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, they are not there forever.

They are just passing through so you can grow together, learn together, heal together or possibly all three but they will at some point have to depart.
You must understand your own pathology. If you grew up being treated in ways that weren't good for you like people being emotionally unavailable, you will more often than not attract people that recreate your childhood experiences. You tend to become psychologically or emotionally attached to them thinking you can love them enough to get them to behave appropriately.

You must realize these things:

Someone loving you or not loving you the way you need them to is not personal. Again,

People do what they do the way they do it because of who they are and the information they have at the time.

Until you clear yourself and your energy of those emotions attached to those childhood experiences, you will continue to attract people who are emotionally unavailable, betray you and not give you the love you need.

So if you are continuously attracting people who do not love you back you must look at your pathology. Look at how you learned to love, what you expect from love, what you give in return for love what you expect others to do for you and give to you if they love you.

People come and love you in response to the vibrations you send out into the Universe about love.

Find ways to release all your negative energy from your past hurt and disappointments.

Learn what it is to have a reciprocation of love in a relationship, what that should look and feel like. Do not try and make it more complex than it needs to be. Trust your gut as the saying goes. How do you feel when you enter a room with this person, do you feel the energy of love. When you are with this person do you feel loved, do they make you want to be a better woman or man? Do they nurture you, nourish you and bring you peace and joy? Do you have a vision for them and with them? Do they have a vision for you? Do you feel as though you want to be a better person because of this love? Not that you need to be ashamed of any flaws, but do they inspire you to want to be a better person, can you see yourself growing with them?

You do not have to stop loving someone because they are not giving you what you need but you have the right to choose. You can love someone and not be in a relationship with them. Love them and give them the opportunity to find what they need elsewhere and you can do the same.

You do not get to tell people how to love you, people are going to love you based upon the information they have and who they are at the time.

You get to choose if you participate in them not loving you. If you are that attached to this situation to where you are so happy to get a little love, and you have to struggle for that love, just imagine what it will be like when real love comes along and how that will feel!

Why cope with less when you can choose more?

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Red Flags In A Relationship

For you to make sense in their world, they will begin to look for things that are wrong with you and point them out. This can be quite upsetting, as you’ll go from someone who could do no wrong to someone who can do no right. Even the tiniest, most unimportant things will be criticized. Insecurity causes envy, spite, and being critical of others. It also can cause verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. You can’t fix them, but you can avoid having your self-worth attacked by choosing not to pursue the relationship any further. 

Your feelings as a victim will tell you whether or not you're being abused in a relationship. Of course, the abuser will deny your feelings because they expose him for what he is but you need to hold on to these feelings because in them lies the solution to your problems.

Sometimes abusers try to control you emotionally  by becoming:

uncommunicative

demanding

inexpressive of their feelings

silent

cold

distant

emotionally detached

devoid of warmth and empathy

self-focused and a sense of entitlement

dismissive of your feelings and views

critical

manipulative

controlling

THE WARNING SIGNS ARE NOT ALWAYS IMMEDIATELY APPARENT

Most relationships start off being close, for the first few weeks at least or even months. The abuser initially can't get enough of his potential partner. He makes her feel special. He's extra careful about how he treats her Few women will get involved with a man who's rotten from the word go.

Other abusers may show doubtful qualities from the outset such as conscious manipulation, but the woman sees nothing wrong with this. She may honestly feel she can tame him in a long-term relationship. But in reality, it's difficult to change manipulative and controlling behavior learned early in life from role models, peers and patriarchy, for when the man reaches adulthood, it is so ingrained in him that it's like a lifestyle.

There are many men who are attracted to vulnerable women because of some recent trauma in their lives. Many other men have begun relationships with women by helping them to break away from abusive partners, only to start controlling and abusing the women themselves. Then there are those abusive men who seek out women of ill-health or who are by-products of troubled childhood by posing as rescuers so they can ultimately tie the women to their needs. Be aware of all these types.

RECOGNIZING DANGER SIGNS

Recognizing the nature of the abusive man's problem can be the first step away from your woes. Below are some of the common signals to help you determine whether you are being abused or not. You might find that your partner does not fit neatly into any of these "types" but seems rather draw bits of himself from each one.

MR. NICE GUY

At home, he may be domineering, selfish and self-centered but on the outside of it, he may be given to acts of kindness, have a great sense of humor, and be well-respected by friends and colleagues. You may start blaming yourself for the behavior he shows to you in private. "What is it about me that sets him off?" You'll wonder. But in reality what he has done is strongly cultivate his public persona, you should be able to recognize this disparity when it comes to the fore.

SUSPICION

He is jealous and possessive. He watches you closely with every man or demands you cut off your interactions. He interprets every move as provocative or flirtatious. When he sees you coming out of an elevator with a colleague, he's adamant that you're having an affair with him. When you vehemently deny this, he asks: "Why do you look so flushed then? Something must have happened in that elevator..." Virtually every day, he goes on and on like this, creating a crazy scenario after a crazy scenario. The more puzzled and adamant you are in your denials, the angrier he becomes. If you do ever have an affair, he could do you some serious harm. But if he's having an affair himself, any attempts to hold him to account are dismissed as "nagging" or Provocation.

Manipulation

When he feels powerless, he turns to manipulation. When he fails at something, it's manipulated so it becomes your fault. You will never live up to his ideal. Then he may relax his relentless verbal attacks for a while and may actually be all affectionate and loving but before long, the abuse starts it's vicious circle again.

The abuser makes meaningful discussions difficult. He puts a marker on how long the discussion will last before his patience runs out. Once that point is reached, he may start yelling, telling you you've pushed him too far and may go on and on about your pushy attitude.

If you don't do what he wants, there's always the threat of violence, taking something away from you like a child or ending the relationship. It's a pattern that's repeated over and over again. He can never see you as an equal. Goals are never set mutually or discussed together on equal terms. He may not even be willing to make plans with you for the weekend but plan them himself and demand you go along.

He blocks your attempts to discuss a problem with "I never say anything right!" but he is also cleverly communicating that the matter is beyond discussion.

PARENTING

He turns himself into the authority on parenting even if he contributes little to the actual work of looking after the children. He will watch from the fringes during periods of calm but steps in to provide the 'correct' approach when there's trouble. He regards his involvement, however minor, as being in the best interests of the child.

LOVE EQUALS ABUSE

The reality is that when an abusive man feels the powerful stirring inside him that he and others would call love, he is probably largely feeling a deep sense of reassurance that you are still there to devote your life to keeping him happy with no outside interference. He may also feel this strong emotion he wants you to believe in love if his secure little world is threatened with demise. But the abuser's demonstrations and protestations of love are not to be believed. To feel genuine love, he'll have to dramatically reorient his outlook in order to separate abusive and possessive desires from true caring, and become able to really see you.

The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were driven by the depths of their loving feelings. The media doesn't help when it describes these aggressions as "crimes of passion." But what greater evidence is there that a man did not truly love his partner? When a mother kills her child, no one believes for one moment that she did it out of overwhelming love. Genuine love means accepting that the other person has rights too and developing a relationship that involves give and take on both sides.

SELF SERVING

An abuser will often exist in a cocoon of denial and refute reality. He will say he has never been abusive, that he loves his partner and would never do anything to hurt her "I never said that", "You're making that all up," "We never had that conversation." "I don't know where you got that"

His generosity towards you will always be self-serving. He may appear loving but the end result is that he wants you to refocus attention on him. Your needs must never conflict with his or you will feel the full force of his fury. He may remind you and others in a hurtful tone of all the things he's done for you. You may not demand any favors in return or remind him of his obligations. If you complain about how rarely he is there for you, he calls you needy and keeps twisting things around so every conversation is about his needs and your responsibilities. He overvalues any small deed that he does for you and may talk about it non-stop for years to come as evidence of how well he treats you and how unappreciative you are. He may also call you worthless and say you bring nothing to the table. He seems to keep a mental list of any favors of kindness he's ever done and expects each one paid back at a heavy interest rate. But he observes your achievements without comment.

An abuser is by nature, self-centered. He has little sense of give and take. He expects far more than he contributes and often feels you owe him what he has done nothing to earn. He talks about his feelings ad nauseam. You have to sit and listen intently through it all being careful not to show even a hint of boredom or irritation, or he will explode.

Nothing is as important as his inner world and his complaints may be as petty in nature as being overtaken at a traffic light. His partner's own crisis and the children's sicknesses are of lesser priority. He has no sympathy for worries that don't affect him personally. He demands your full attention when he's whining and whingeing about things but switches off when you start talking about your problems.

An abuser's idea of sex will be self-focused. It's about meeting his needs. If he feels you are failing in all other departments, then he's going to get his pound's worth in the sexual act. His act will lack intimacy since he cannot truly be close to the woman he is abusing. You are reduced to a sex object in his mind; consequently, you feel used and abused and suffer further loss of self-esteem.

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It's the Spiritual Connection, Not the Physical

If you are introduced to your mate in a physical way, you'll have to keep that going in order to remain engaged with one another.

We weren't created to first meet on the physical realms, we are spiritual beings.

Sex is merely supposed to be another level of expression of our spiritual connection, not the template of our relationship. 

Sex is not the bond that makes male and female together eternal. Embracing the spiritual connection of the two souls makes you two eternal

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Eating Your Way to Amazing Sex: [Blogseries] {part2}

More and more food worldwide is being mass produced, and even have Genetically Modified (GMO) "food" as well. In fact, fertility rates have been going down for the past 60 years since our food supplies have been experimented upon.

Research shows that our food supplies have minerals, but if these minerals do not have carbon molecules attached, the minerals will not help us very much. Why not? Because we are carbon-based creatures, and our food supplies have to be carbon-based as well in order for our bodies to utilize these minerals. If these minerals are not based on carbon, our bodies only use about 15% and store the rest in our bodies where they are not utilized and can cause health problems instead of making us healthier.

Certain foods can help with libido performance and may help with other problems as well.

First, though, let's consider exactly what libido is. Having a thorough understanding of that will give you a starting point to learning what can be done about having a healthy sex drive and sex in your relationship. Then we will look at what foods to avoid and what natural superfoods to add to your diet to help with desire, sexual energy, fertility, erectile function, and great orgasms.

What is Libido?

Sexual Desire or Impulse: the instinctual craving or drive behind all human activities.

Having sexual fantasies, thinking of sex several times a week and having sex 1-2 times per week seem to indicate a normal sex drive and part of libido. One can and should be able to experience this drive and feeling at any age. However, what is happening is that even younger men can experience a lowering of sex drive, as well as performance.

Men may find that it takes them a little longer to experience an erection, the erection may not be as firm and they may not respond as fast as they did when they were younger.

If both are healthy, their sex life can be taken to a much higher level than before. Specific superfoods have been found to enhance each aspect of one's sex life: Desire, energy, fertility, erectile function & great orgasms.

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Eating Your Way to Amazing Sex: [Blogseries] {part 1}

Having a good sex life is part of what makes for a great relationship. It isn't the only thing, but it's an important part because it encourages a stronger bond of love between two people. This is especially important if you plan on spending a lifetime with an individual.
Healthier people, usually, have a good sexual desire and function. Being able to reasonably satisfy that desire helps promote good health and that worthwhile feeling as well.
So how can you attain good health as well as great sex? By eating natural superfoods! Specific superfoods can make a difference in every aspect of your sex life.

Having a good sex life is part of what makes for a great relationship. It isn't the only thing, but it's an important part because it encourages a stronger bond of love between two people. This is especially important if you plan on spending a lifetime with an individual.
Healthier people, usually, have a good sexual desire and function. Being able to reasonably satisfy that desire helps promote good health and that worthwhile feeling as well.

So how can you attain good health as well as great sex? By eating natural superfoods! Specific superfoods can make a difference in every aspect of your sex life.

Healthy people, in general, have healthy sex drives. It is part of our make up as humans. It also ensures the continuation of our species. However, what seems to be happening worldwide is that sex drive and sexual performance are diminishing. This could be due to a number of factors:

1. Lack of sleep
2. Illness
3. Medication
4. Lifestyle
5. And particularly, diet.

Although we can't address all of the reasons libido is decreasing and sexual performance is suffering, we can consider diet. Why? Because we are what we eat, and our food supplies may not be delivering what we need to be healthy.
Follow me on this Blog series as I discuss these things in more detail.
Look for Eating Your Way to Amazing Sex: {part2} soon!


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There Are No Conditions on "I Love You"

Poem Written in 2014 by Aakasha

There Are No Conditions On "I Love You"

There is no such thing as I love you butt or I love you except when.
There is simply I love you.
To Tell someone that there is a butt or an exception is putting a stipulation on that love and who they are and love doesn't come with stipulations.
Love is loving someone fully. Love is seeing them as perfection. We are all perfectly perfect because we are exactly who we should be in our own space and time.
Love doesn't demand who a person should be or issue/criteria to fill. Love allows them to be and loves them as is.
-Aakasha

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