No other human relationship will play a more important role in shaping your life than your relationship with your spouse. And yet many pre-married couples make the crucial decisions about marriage when their minds are clouded with such powerful emotions that they find it difficult to think straight. They are so caught up in the whirlwind of romance that they fail to work out some crucial issues before they commit their lives to each other.
SPIRITUAL COMPATABILITY
What is the foundation of a spiritual relationship?
A spiritual relationship is built upon the foundation that both partners are going to support each other as they grow. It is about getting to another level of perception with your partner.
If your values are not aligned, the relationship won’t go very far. For example, I could meet a physically attractive Man, but if he does not have a spiritual practice, culture, then there is less of a connection and less of a desire to go on a first, second or third date with him. I know it can only go to the surface level so I won't even pursue the next date.
However, if he does prayers in the morning that means he checking in with his soul and his ancestors before he starts his day and I know he is grounded on the inside, which is very intriguing to me.
Top five deal breakers:
- Dependence on substances
- Poor health
- Obsession with technology
- Overly intellectual but lacking in sensitivity- to sit still and be silent is difficult for the person-just be, tune in to me, to us
- Poor nutrition
We need room for a person to not be so perfect; because inevitably in the time we spend together we will not meet each other’s expectations. If we have a form of spiritual practice, we are much more forgiving.
People are under a lot of stress today. We are very demanding of ourselves and if there can be flexibility and compassion for the times when we don’t perform the way our partners want us to or we don’t fulfill the way they want us to; there can then be ease and understanding. This builds a deeper connection instead of rigidity and expectations.
Because I have my practice I have compassion; when we have flexibility, a relationship can be sustained and will last longer.
Describe how to spot the divine feminine or divine masculine when dating.
Divine means that we are expanding past this realm into the ultimate essence of the male and female form: the God essence. What would God be if God were a man? What would God be if God were a woman?
A divine masculine man would be completely in charge of his destiny as best he could in this world. He would be someone who chooses his mental state. He will be aware that something negative just happened and instead of getting angry, he will acknowledge his anger pattern, take a breath in and then choose to think “What can I do about this situation” and then change his state. A divine masculine man would also look at his health. He will say what is this pill about rather than just taking what is prescribed and he will try natural, organic foods. He will do a job he is really passionate about and his enthusiasm will be infectious. If he wants to be in finance, he will be completely ethical and forthright. A divine masculine male will be in alignment with his essence. He will be able to look at fear, and in the face of fear, maintain strength.
A divine feminine is known for “shakti” or creative energy. A woman holds the whole universe in her body. Women can bear life, so their essence is nurturing, supportive and loving. The masculine is the warrior energy. The feminine is the healing, nurturing and supportive space. The essence is to express love and grace. Poise, calibrated intelligence, sensitivity. To be in a heart-centered feeling, nurturing space. Ethereal, beautiful, clean. The divine feminine is a woman who knows who she is and knows that she is a soul.
When you are in your divine essence, your vibration will attract the other. When you are doing your own practice, you can recognize someone who does his or her spiritual practice. Their eyes are different. They would not look at their cell phone on a date five times. They would be doing something they enjoyed with their life. There would be passion and vibrancy about them. They would use language in a way that is more precise. They would not waste their life on words that don’t matter. A master chooses their words carefully.
Find someone who enjoys connecting with themselves on the inside. If you are pursuing health, but dating someone who has the total opposite habits, those are different paths and you will be tempted and taken off your personal path. Find someone that is on the same spiritual track as you.
When two people meet that have a spiritual practice, the relationship is more fun. It becomes multi-dimensional. Depth feels good! You have a deep reverence for the people around you if you feel tremendous love and compassion for your partner. Even if you go to work and your boss is angry and bitter, you can start to feel compassion for your boss because of the connection you are feeling through your partner. You start to look at all walks of life through the eyes of love. You can expand that into loving everyone else and being more flexible and less rigid.
Here are some self-reflection spirituality questions you may want to go over with yourself and your partner. Borrowed courtesy of Naini Duggal:
- How might you strengthen your moral standards before and after your relationship/marriage?
- What are your spiritual ideals and goals for the future?
- How would you change the world if you got a chance?
- Is your love for God greater than the love you would have for your partner?
- How important is it to you that your partner is on the same spiritual path as you?
- How important is it to you to serve others?
- How important is saving and investment to you?
- How important is it for you to help your partner’s family financially?
- How important is it for you to share financial responsibility with your partner?
- How important is it for you to have children?
- Would it bother you if your partner had children?
- Would you be open to adopting a child?
- Would you be open to attending parenting classes with your partner?
- Will you raise your children spiritually?
- How often would you socialize with your partner in a week?
- How often would you socialize on your own?
- How often would you socialize with your partner’s family?
- How important is marriage counseling to you?
- Would you read self-help books on relationships?
- Would you attend a self-help seminar?
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